What Love  Can Do

I have often heard mothers say that they did not know how much they could love until they had children.  When they are young children, they give your life so much meaning, but as adolescents, they tend to challenge every emotion that you have.  Often mothers of adolescents will say things like, “Where did my child go and who has taken over his or her body?”  “I will just wait until they turn 18, then maybe I will recognize them again.” It must be difficult raising future adults in a world that sometimes seem foreign to us.  Adolescence is a stormy period because in your attempt to understand them, they are also fighting to be understood.  This could be a lonely time because in this fight, they are bombarded with all kinds of messages of what they should be.  Of course their behavior is hard to love but despite your frustration, your love can let them know that they are understood.  How does this happen when all they do is push you away?  Well, let’s look at how Jesus understands:

The woman said to Him, Sir, give me this water, so that I may never get thirsty nor have to come (continually all the way) here to draw.  At this, Jesus said to her, “Go call your husband and come back here.  The woman answered, “I have no husband.  Jesus said to her, “You have spoken truly in saying I have no husband.  For you have had five husbands, and man you are now living with is not your husband.  In this you have spoken truly.” The woman said to Him, “Sir, I see and understand that You are a prophet.”  Then the woman left her water jar and went away to the town.  And she began telling people, “Come, see a Man Who has told me everything I ever did! John 4: 15-19, 28-29a Amplified Version

Jesus took the time to talk to a woman who was despised by members of the society, a society that judged her.  Your teens don’t need your judgment.  They need to know that you have been where they are.  Telling them about what you’ve been through could help them feel more connected to you.  As Jesus understood the
Samaritan woman’s life path, you can understand your teens.  The world has become a different place, but their thoughts and feelings are common.  By identifying with their struggles regarding peer acceptance and sexuality, you will earn their respect in the long run.

What The Love Of God Can Show Them:

Love can see.  Love sees that they are not always perfect.  They may say and do the wrong things. 
Love sees all and loves anyway.

Love can listen.  Love hears the heart’s desire and without request, meets the heart’s needs. 
Love listens to their feelings and not their words.

Love says it will give, it will stay, and it will wait.

Love feels pain, but it still heals.  Love feels fear,
but it still has courage.  Love feels loss, but it still
finds peace. 

Love will make them feel understood.  When they
 are understood, then they are known.  When they
feel known, they will not need to look to external
sources to validate their identity and their worth. 

Teresa Barnes, MSW, LCSW
Clinical Therapist