Change can be scary, but you can overcome life’s uncertainties when you prepare to embrace the necessary transitions that life brings.  Whether you are in your 20’s or 50’s, you will face changes in yourself, your relationships, and your career.  However, there are some changes that come that are unexpected and often painful. Death, divorce, or illness causes an interruption in life that usually results in unexpected loss.

How do you overcome some of the following emotions that are associated with sudden life changes?  Understand that feelings are normal.  They let us know that we are alive. Some of my clients suffering from depression have often mentioned that one of the side effects from their medications is a feeling of numbness.  When you have conversations with most depressed people, they will tell you that they would rather feel depressed than to feel nothing at all.  Although we do not like negative emotions, we often want to retain the ability to feel all emotions. 

What is good about anger?  Anger is our warning gauge.  It lets us know when there has been injustice or mistreatment.  If it was not for the anger that a few mothers felt when their children were killed by drunk drivers, we would not have MADD (Mothers against Drunk Driving).  I personally think that anger over a personal emotional injury is also good.  It can motivate us to leave abusive relationships and toxic people.

What is good about fear?  In Christian circles, fear is often described as the enemy of faith.  The Bible constantly talks about overcoming and facing fear.  It also describes reverential fear as being good.  To reverence means to honor and respect.  Without that, you have rebellion.  We do not have to look far to see how the lack of reverential fear of God and human authority has effected our families, schools, and neighborhoods. 

Although the above mentioned emotions can be good, if not addressed and managed appropriately, it can lead to such states as bitterness, isolation, and despair.  In such cases, you should seek appropriate professional and/or spiritual counsel. 

As you navigate through your emotions, don’t neglect to assess where you are in your life regarding your healing and life purpose.  The following section will help you determine your season and how you can weather the changes.

 

What Season are you in?

Autumn: A Time to Gather/Reap

 Evaluate your gains and losses.

1. Assess the damage from losses and determine the costs  needed to recover.
2. Determine lessons learned or wisdom gained.
3. Identify internal and external resources needed for future seasons.

Be accountable.

1. Take active personal responsibility.
2. Forgive, forgive, and forgive.

Winter: A Time to Rest

 Participate in self-care.

1. Develop gratitude journal.
2. Strengthen support system (i.e. friendships and family relationships.
3. Get in touch with your spirit.
4. Exercise, sleep, and eat well.
5. Assess personal hobbies and their potential to maximize health, growth, and finances.

Spring: A Time to Prepare and Plan

Look for signs of life.

1. What can you do with what you have gained/learned from your autumn season?
2. Has there been a re-birth of ideas, gifts, and relationships?
3. What changes need to be made?

Start something new & count the costs.

1. Is it time to go back to school?
2. Is it time to start a new business?
3. Is it time to begin therapy or assess spiritual life?

Summer: A Time to Get Busy!

Work your plan.

1. Establish deadlines and a list of completed tasks.
2. Don’t forget to utilize your internal & external resources (i.e. personal strengths and helpful people).
3. Take some wise risks.  Genius ideas often come from taking chances.

 Don’t be afraid to fail. Successes often arise out of a bed of failures.

1. This is when lessons learned from your autumn can help you navigate through times of uncertainty.
2. Usually what you gain from the lessons learned is the ability to help and teach others.

Teresa Barnes, MSW, LCSW
Clinical Therapist